One and two liners

1.  Highway Patrol:  Rolling tax collectors 2.  Female colossal gorilla:  Thong Kong

3.  I  mistakenly called AA to get my car towed instead of AAA - the driver told me it was going to take twelve steps to get my car hitched up.

4.  New law firm:  Fleetwood, Mack, Arroni and Cheese

5.  TV sitcom: Black high school basketball player works in his father’s grocery store in gang-heavy Compton: “Kobe Gillis”

6.  Older man hitting on waaay younger woman:  Guy: “Have you ever dated older guys?” Young Woman:  No, but I’ve dated a poltergeist and you don’t have a ghost of a chance to get in my pants.

7.  Money maker for the two-tier society:  Dog plastic surgery-breast reduction, tummy tucks, tail adjustment, jaw reconstruction.

8.  Punchline to a joke that remains unwritten:  Absinthe makes the fart grow Honda.

9.  Pre-teens have Hanna Montana - Boomers have Tacoma Glaucoma

10.  Man to anger management counselor after one year of classes - “Well - yeah, I cold cocked the bastard but this time I didn’t get angry at all - stayed cool as a cucumber - he steals my barstool - I knock him out.  This class has been great.

11.  Accountants of rock legend:  Ed Zeppelin, Barnaby Wild, Roland on the River

12.  Happy song for Psychiatric professionals: “Jung at Heart” - It is hard you will find to be scrambled of mind - when you’re Jung at heart….if you should survive all that Freudian jive - think of all you’ll derive from bein’ alive - and here is the best part you’ll have a head start, if you are among the very Jung at heart.

13.  It is 1850 London we’re standing on the bank of the Thames when a huge white whale swims slowly past as hundreds of hungry street urchins gather to watch…. Moby Dickens