1. Highway Patrol: Rolling tax collectors 2. Female colossal gorilla: Thong Kong
3. I mistakenly called AA to get my car towed instead of AAA - the driver told me it was going to take twelve steps to get my car hitched up.
4. New law firm: Fleetwood, Mack, Arroni and Cheese
5. TV sitcom: Black high school basketball player works in his father’s grocery store in gang-heavy Compton: “Kobe Gillis”
6. Older man hitting on waaay younger woman: Guy: “Have you ever dated older guys?” Young Woman: No, but I’ve dated a poltergeist and you don’t have a ghost of a chance to get in my pants.
7. Money maker for the two-tier society: Dog plastic surgery-breast reduction, tummy tucks, tail adjustment, jaw reconstruction.
8. Punchline to a joke that remains unwritten: Absinthe makes the fart grow Honda.
9. Pre-teens have Hanna Montana - Boomers have Tacoma Glaucoma
10. Man to anger management counselor after one year of classes - “Well - yeah, I cold cocked the bastard but this time I didn’t get angry at all - stayed cool as a cucumber - he steals my barstool - I knock him out. This class has been great.
11. Accountants of rock legend: Ed Zeppelin, Barnaby Wild, Roland on the River
12. Happy song for Psychiatric professionals: “Jung at Heart” - It is hard you will find to be scrambled of mind - when you’re Jung at heart….if you should survive all that Freudian jive - think of all you’ll derive from bein’ alive - and here is the best part you’ll have a head start, if you are among the very Jung at heart.
13. It is 1850 London we’re standing on the bank of the Thames when a huge white whale swims slowly past as hundreds of hungry street urchins gather to watch…. Moby Dickens