The Beatles and the Law

An idea for a take home final exam in Law School.  Calculate the county jail, state and federal prison exposure for crimes committed, threatened or implied in the lyrics of the Beatles song catalog between 1962 and 1970.  The low-hanging fruit:  Maxwell Addison - murder one with circumstances - life in prison - that silver hammer stunt.  The theft by Lovely Rita of the poor guy’s heart - six months in the county jail - larceny.  Rocky Racoon gets punched in the eye by his rival - assault and battery - six months suspended sentence - electronic monitoring - three years probation with one year of anger management class.  We all live in a yellow submarine - one of you are distributing prescription pharmaceuticals.  Were these “mother’s little helpers”?  Did you steal them from her medicine chest?  Did you distribute them to minors?  Just exactly who got on board?  Were these people over eighteen? - six months in county jail, three years probation , drug treatment program.  “Run for Your Life”- felony domestic abuse threatening bodily harm  “catch you with another man - that’s the end- a - little girl”  the prosecutor in the D.A.’s office sees a murder threat and also felony child endangerment if the victim is indeed a “Little Girl”.  Defense claimed that “that’s the end -a “ only refers to the romance - they’ll lose in California - two years in state prison - one year to serve with five years probation.  “Till there was you”  those bells on a hill that you always heard ringing, were they your bells? - violation of noise ordinance - reprimand, court costs -  remove bells.  “For the Benefit of Mr. Kite”  who exactly is this “Henry the Horse”?  Horse is a name for heroin - dances the waltz?  Injected? Snorted? Smoked?  It’s all gonna get you in big trouble.  “Get high with a little help from my friends”  depends on which state and how many friends.  “Roll up - Roll up for the Magical Mystery Tour”  Roll what up?  Some Mary Jane?  Mystery Tour - you bet, with munchies on the back end. - six months in the county jail for possession of a controlled substance or alternately,  must be addressing a small army of the physically challenged in their wheelchairs - ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) violations abound - are there curb cuts?  What is the slope of the ramp to the door of the bus?  Surface texture? Coefficient of friction of pavement? Seat spacing on the bus?  “Step right this way”  any truncated cones for the visually impaired, license for operating a tour bus, special use permit for public gathering over ten persons and with music -all misdemeanors.  “Semolina Pilchard climbing up the Eiffel Tower”  disturbing the peace, public nuisance, trespassing on public monument.  “Why don’t we do it in the road?” - better not - indecent exposure - two counts - six month suspended sentence with fifty hours of trash clean up along said road.  “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” how high was Lucy?  If over five hundred feet she would need clearance from local airport tower and a license to be an ultra-light aircraft.  Were diamonds attached to her body or clothing or free floating - if the latter then they are at risk of being sucked into engines of a passing jetliner - crash risk.  VFR or IFR conditions?  If Lucy is in the sky in low-visibility, she is a very hazardous object - six month suspended sentence for interfering with commercial air traffic.  Walking along a “Long and Winding Road?” - are you white or black?  North of the Mason Dixon line or south?  If between 1900 and 1945 and if black you are picked up and charged with loitering and sentenced to thirty days at the county work farm.  While there, you are “sold” to a labor broker who, in turn, sells you to the Steel plant in Big City, Southern State  where you are worked to death with no medical care while being beaten and starved - i.e. a death sentence.  You never made it to her door.  “Happiness is a Warm Gun”  If the gun is warm because you fired it you are in a boatload of trouble depending on your jurisdiction.  Possession of a firearm?  Unauthorized discharge of a firearm?  If the gun is warm because it is in your pocket - concealed firearm - six months in county jail with one year probation.  “Bungalow Bill went out tiger hunting” - threatening an endangered species - throw the book at him.    There is a mock trial - defendant-  Maxwell Addison.  He is charged with first degree murder.  “Made sure she was dead”  Maxwell is a medical student and a painter “…testimonial pictures - Joan”  his defense asserts that Maxwell’s  deranged mental state was from unreasonable hours as an intern in a big city hospital ”majoring in medicine” and his temporary insanity at the time of killing was due to inhalation of volatile vapor from his oil painting materials in his unventilated garretstudio.