Weenies are small negations, little affronts to which a response creates a larger annoyance than the weenie itself produces.   Weenies are additive.  Taken alone they do not typically warrant a response, but taken as a group they diminish the quality of our lives and must be resisted. Some additive weenies are killing us.  An example of a weenie is seen in the example of the high tech bank robber who is  also a bank teller.  This person adjusted his bank computer so that it shaved a penny from each of his bank’s transactions and placed those pennies in his own account.  After two years, bank boy was a few hundred thousand dollars richer.  An offensive bumper sticker is a weenie.  I saw one the other day that said: “If you exercise your right to burn the American Flag I’ll exercise my right to adjust your attitude.”  A small threat fouls the Common.  Everyone who reads this bumper sticker gets a weenie.  If you follow this truck and scratch the paint you would be over-reacting.  To do anything other than ignore  it would be a validation, giving it the dignity of recognition, yet there it remains in its small offensiveness - a weenie.

Take a close look at your next telephone bill.  Do you know the meaning of all of those tiny fees?  You don’t really care.  It’s only pennies,  you pay it.  The telephone company makes millions of dollars on their weenies. When a ten dollar movie  clutters many scenes with brand name products you have been weenied.  When vulgar language occurs in the dialogue of a prime time television show - you have been weenied, unless you don‘t mind.  Hollywood, very jealous of the multibillion-dollar porn industry, has been slowly slipping a big weenie to the movie-going public for years.  Boiling the frog.  Soon there will be little distinction between porn and mainstream films.  Given that we are currently in a sea of violence-porn at the movies perhaps the skin variety will be a welcome relief.

An unspoken aspect of the weenie is time of  transit.  How long will it take to get a weenie all the way up the public’s ass.  If a corporation or government organization has five years, it can usually get its weenie up where it will do the most good for The Big Engine.  Public relations and incessant television advertising are effective lubricants.  The legal system is a very efficient weenie delivery vehicle.  We can change an obscure line in the Federal Tax Code that is seen only by the bureaucrat who changed the line and the $450 per hour accountants who read it and over the course of a few years, a new hatch of millionaires has risen into the morning mist.  A small change in maritime law, a small change in meat-packing regulations, a new definition of pollution can be invasive weenies that quietly erode our constitutional rights.

If we look at legal weenies that affect you directly, and replace each one with a hot dog, you would look out upon a sea of weenies wiggling toward you like Oscar Meyer zombies, pressing into your pores and orifices and dancing away from you having gotten fat at your expense.   Your local police force, rolling tax collectors, delivering municipal weenies directly to your car.  Strobe-lit cameras catching you at intersections eroding your constitutional rights with every flash.   Many weenies enter your life the size of pinworms and leave as polish sausage having gorged upon their specific reduction of your quality of life.  Telemarketers and internet spammers are invasive weenies, clearly visible yet difficult to combat.  The government tends toward support of these institutions of annoyance using tortured interpretations of our Constitution such as the all-pervasive Dartmouth College Case from John Marshall‘s court.  This 1819 ruling  has been more than a weenie, it has proven to be the whole hog rooting around up the global ass.   For a government that uses weenies as its stock in trade,  to ban these egregious pests would be a blow to the institution of weeniedom itself.  It would be a case of the government killing its own evil children.  Weenies damage bliss.  Weenies are enemies of bliss.  Eat one hot dog per week and discuss the weenies in your life with your family and friends.  You can create new categories - they surround us.

Weenies come in six colors: green, yellow, red, purple, blue and white. Get to know them.   They have a powerful effect on your life, your diet, your attitudes, your prosperity.  They are distinguished as follows.   Green weenies are interpersonal.  They come from people you know: family, friends, classmates, co-workers, teachers.  Yellow weenies come from people you meet: strangers, salesmen, usually in the context of  brief encounters.  Red weenie assault comes from large and small businesses and institutions and the media they use: television, radio, feature films and the internet.  Newscasters and political pundits are also agents of the red weenie.   Purple weenies are in your food, drink, medicine and many consumer products.  Blue weenies are federal, state and local statutes.  White weenies are launched by mother nature delivered by small acts of God.